Class # 2: The Great Sombrero Commute

Have you ever seen something so strikingly out of the ordinary when you are by yourself that you still look over as if your friend or somebody is sitting next to you and you are like "what in the..."

Today I saw a man in an impossibly small hatchback car driving down the street while wearing an impossibly large sombrero. The sombrero was so large that it made all mirrors obsolete for the man. He would have had to take the impossibly large sombrero off and fold it somehow into his hatchback trunk before he would have ever even been close to looking in the rear view mirror.

I wondered first, now, why would a man be wearing such an impossibly large sombrero on such a cloudy day? Why was he wearing it in his vehicle? And what was also strange is that he seemed to be very frustrated with the hat. Almost as over-the-top frustrated as those fools in the infomercials who can't figure out how to open a jar or use a pair of scissors.

I followed behind him for a while, afraid to pass as he would have never seen me until I was safely in front of him. I thought that maybe he was some sort of pigmently challenged person who is allergic to the sun or some kind of mascot or something. Maybe he forgot to take off the impossibly large sombrero before he got in the car, then was unable to do so after he was already in. This would explain his frustration with his obstructed vision.

Don't get me wrong, I have worn bizarre outfits while driving, but I was always on the way to some kind of Halloween or theme party, except for the one time I wore the big afro wig from no real reason. The wig never obstructed my vision while driving, though.

People shouldn't wear such large hats while indoors. Arguably cars are indoors. It is a danger for a person to wear such a large hat while walking, much less driving. I think I will write my congressperson about passing some sort of Large Hat Obstruction of the Driver's Field of Vision legislation to keep these people off our roads.

Anyway, after about 10 minutes of following the impossibly large sombrero, I decided to risk passing so I could get a good look at the man underneath.

The man underneath turned out to be exactly the man you would imagine to be wearing an impossibly large sombrero. Picture him in your head before reading my description... Got it?... OK?

He was a middle aged Hispanic man whose skin was wrinkled and tanned by long days of working in the sun (should had been wearing that hat then...) He had a fu manchu and a long braided black ponytail. When I saw him, I have to admit I was a little disappointed. I would have like to had seen someone more random like a tiny old lady or perhaps a small, nerdy lady with Tina Fey glasses, or Tina Fey! I guess the hat itself was my dose of random for the day.

OK, I have written more on this blog than I have written for the entire class. I better get back to business... or I think I will make a grocery list. Stay classy...

Day 1- The Feet

So I am sitting here in class so bored I am seriously considering opening the window directly behind me and jumping out. Everybody in class is so bored too that nobody would even notice. It's not that high up. I think I could survive the jump.

The first (possibly only) topic I would like to discuss is the issue of grown up people being barefoot in public places, such as the movie theater, and in this instance, class. You know who you are!

There is a woman approximately four feet to my right who is completely bare foot. It is not like she is like a cool hippy or something who cannot be oppressed by something so meaningless as shoes. She is about 40-45, and she is sitting her with her bare feet propped up lazily on an empty desk.

First, it really sicks me out that there very well may have been bare, gross feet in a desk that I have sat or am currently sitting. UHHHH!!! I will never know the disgusting nature of my surroundings, and this is something that my slightly OCD brain has excepted, yet I cannot help but think of some sort of way to mark the desk The Feet are currently using so I can rest assured that I am not sitting in that particular desk next week, or at any point this semester. Perhaps a post-it note or something could be strategically placed. It needs to be something that I can look at while still being in a normal standing or sitting position, but not something everyone else knows it there. ( Although a large sign adhered to the back of the chair warning that bare feet have rested here would be beneficial to everyone, in my opinion). I will keep thinking of that conundrum through out class.

Second, these feet are definitely not normal human female feet. They are much like hairless hobbit feet. They are unnaturally tan, and this lady keeps stretching out the gigantic talons of toes as if they have been carrying something like a small mammal or fish for many, many miles. I am seriously unable to carry on with my school work because of these horrific hooves. This cannot be legal. I guess feet are better than sitting behind someone with giant unnaturally tan visible butt crack, but it is still gross and distracting.

OK, I think that's all on The Feet... for now...

I wonder if everyone else in class has "checked out" as I have. I am sure I'm not alone. I bet I am alone in the fact that I am using my shear boredom for good (not evil or indolence). I bet I am the only person who is blogging while everyone else half listens to a small British woman stumble over the issue of the Social Security Act of 1935.

I've tried the other ways of dealing with boredom: the brain shut down, the eyes open nap, the overused word or gesture of the professor count, the think of a funny background story of the person sitting next to me, and now the in-class blog. Oh, also I just invented a new boredom fighter: the randomly raising your hand when a question or survey is posed without knowing the answer, question or survey topic. Professor just asked who has... something... and I raised my hand. It's a small rush, it's a lower-risk Russian Roulette kind of game.

Class update: we have just burned an hour and a half discussing how to go about writing a paper. AND THIS IS GRADUATE SCHOOL!!!

Exciting news: The Feet has just stood and walked across the classroom to discuss something with Professor! I cannot believe this lady! It's not like she brought (not wore because I have no evidence of that yet), hiking books with thick confusing laces or some sort of therapeutic brace/shoes, she has flip flops. Flip Flops are literally the closest type of footwear to actually being barefoot.

How gross and lazy do you have to be to think, "I'm going to go speak with this esteemed professor, a doctor of social work, a published author, barefoot. Should I slip on my inappropriate footwear, nah, barefoot it is!" If she leaves the room without shoes on I am calling the authorities. This lady should NOT be wearing flip flops.

Oh, thank God! I have just received word that we will be watching a film for the remainder of the class. I can watch any movie and not be bored at this point. Although a movie will certainly add to The Feet's need to be The Feet. I don't want to know what is going to happen...